What's the Average Cost Per Nut? Benchmarks by City & Age (2026)

The single most-asked question we get: "is my Cost Per Nut normal?"

The honest answer is it depends on where you live, your age, and your relationship stage. The less honest answer — the one most internet "averages" give — is a single number that's useless without context.

This is the benchmark guide. Self-reported CPN data, broken out by the variables that actually matter, with a framework for figuring out where you should land.

The headline number

Across 2026 data from single men 22–38, the median CPN is roughly $145. The mean is higher — about $185 — pulled up by outliers in high-cost cities and long-distance relationships.

But the median hides almost everything interesting. Variance by city is 5×. Variance by age is 2×. Variance by relationship stage is the largest of all.

CPN by city

Cost-of-living and dating-norm differences explain about 70% of the gap between cities:

A few patterns worth naming:

• High-COL English-speaking cities (SF, NYC, London, LA) cluster $200–$280. The dinner-and-cocktails baseline alone is $80–$120 before you've Ubered anywhere.
• Western European cities outside the UK (Berlin, Lisbon, Madrid) cluster $80–$120 — partly cheaper, partly different dating norms (more drinks/walks, fewer expensive meals).
• LATAM and SEA cluster under $80, with much higher variance. Cost-of-living is doing most of the work; norms vary wildly by neighbourhood.

If your CPN looks "high" by global standards but you live in SF, you're probably normal. If it looks normal globally but you live in Mexico City, you're paying a premium.

CPN by age

Age is mostly a proxy for income and life stage. The pattern is U-shaped:

Age band	Median CPN	What's happening
22–25	$95	Lower income, cheaper dates, more "her place"
26–30	$165	Income up, dating intentionally, restaurant spend climbs
31–35	$210	Peak earning vs peak intentionality, biggest spend
36–40	$180	More established relationships, lower per-encounter cost
40+	$135	Established relationships dominate the sample

The peak around 31–35 is consistent across cities — it's the band where men have income, are dating with intent, and haven't yet settled into a long-term relationship that drops CPN toward zero.

CPN by relationship stage

This is the most predictive variable, full stop:

Stage	Typical CPN	Why
First 3 dates	$400+	All cost, zero denominator
Casual / weekly seeing	$180	Intermittent intimacy, ongoing date spend
Established sexual relationship	$80–$120	Regular intimacy, mix of cooking-in and going-out
Committed / cohabitating	$20–$40	Most "spend" becomes shared life cost, not dating cost
Long-distance	$250+	Travel costs absorb everything

If you're three months into a casual situation and your CPN is still $400, the data is telling you something. Either it's not turning into a real relationship, or you're substituting money for the trust-building that should be happening. Both warrant a conversation with yourself.

"Good" vs "normal" — they're different

A common confusion. Take a 30-year-old in NYC dating one woman for two months:

• Normal CPN: $230 (in line with NYC + early-stage benchmarks)
• "Good" CPN: the trend, not the snapshot. If month 1 was $310 and month 2 is $230, the trajectory is healthy. If both months are flat at $230 with no movement toward intimacy, the snapshot is "normal" but the trend is dead.

This is why the complete CPN guide emphasises slope over snapshot.

The simplest framework: 3 questions

Forget benchmarks for a second. Ask yourself:

1. Is my CPN trending down across the last 60 days? If yes — you're fine, regardless of the absolute number.
2. Is the woman I'm spending the most on also the woman I'd rate highest on compatibility? If yes — investment is rational. If no — you're paying a hobby tax.
3. Could I cut my spend 30% without her noticing? If yes — you're substituting money for thought. Stop it.

Three honest answers will tell you more than any benchmark table will.

How to know your number

You can't compare yourself to benchmarks if you don't track. The two-step setup:

1. Read How to Track Cost Per Nut, Step-by-Step
2. Use nuttr (free) — or any of the other tools we compared

After 30 days you'll have a real per-person CPN. After 60, you'll have a trend. Both are dramatically more useful than any "average" you'll ever read on the internet — including this one.

→ Track yours free — no card, your data stays yours.

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Methodology note: Numbers in this article are self-reported from anonymous nuttr users (n ≈ 12,400) plus aggregated data from public dating-spend surveys (LendingTree 2024, Match Singles in America 2025, OkCupid trends 2024). City medians require ≥ 200 users per city; age bands require ≥ 500. Numbers updated quarterly.